Irony of ironies:
I find myself gunned down by vociferous grand-mommy, so to speak. Called in for questioning, for display on a pedestal put, marriag-iable material and ‘look at’ worth-ed by anonymous clan of clamouring marauders who have apparently very little expectations.
Grand-mommy: Maria he is rich and handsome AND he is parha likha!
Maria: OH-MY-GOD, are you serious Nano? Check, check AND check! You mean no rapist, murderer, marauder, philanderer on his CV. But that is ‘just’ too much, I don’t deserve such exaltedness, what am I to DO. How am I to ever match up!
I discover that my sweet, generally soft-spoken grandmother has multiple talents, which go far beyond her tremendous reach of frozen-food expertise, boiled salt cooking, brilliant house keeping and finishing school running. Yes! Them Gemini’s they never give it a rest with the coin tossingdom. So all of a sudden grandma is red, sweaty with non-light-sabre in hand, standing in front of Castle Grey-Skull screaming “ I have the POWER” and that she do. Crap!
Grand-mommy: Why do you never give people a chance? What is wrong with you?
Maria: HAH!
She-man glare (which is notch up from he-man, cause it has both tenses of the men-ses (hmm … am pushing with joke? Push!)
Maria: OK fine! What do I gotta do?
Grand-mommy: You just have to be nice, and meet them. Keep an open mind, and PLEASE don’t act like yourself!
Sheesh!
Maria: I’m not bringing in any tray!
Grand-mommy: But..
Maria: N-O.
Apparently I have She-ra genes, as it so happens, in small doses do they assert their assertiveness on occasion. But I never question them’ good things.
Grand-mommy: You never know it could be great, it could be a fairytale!
Maria: Ooh ooh! A fairytale! I is being Beentherella in Tritan seas with glass fin-slippers. Hoop La!
(Fade to Blue)
Rehearsal time: Night.
Hmmm…. What to iron for showcasing self for prospective fairy-tale in laws, hmm?
After much deliberation I have decided, colour is always key, and which colour? You see, the general yellow and crazy orange is too much in ‘I’ gusto, but much a rookie mistake would it be to be ‘I’. Much ala too much.
Hmm… am left with but two options, proverbial ‘Blue’ and ‘Pink’, however tragedy indicates that in ‘Sleeping Beauty’ (which just so happened to have the second-most handsome prince, since Eric from Little Mermaid, would mean me being going ahem ‘au naturel’…hmm, definitely not), so am left altercating between two hues which the ‘two’ good fairies, battled over.
* Pause film at THE END….YEYY!
Blue, it is!
Outfit……check.
Fairy tales need a theme no? hmm hmm…
Traditional mood music?
Consience:Maria “Froggie went a courting it was supposed to be!?!”
Maria: Hmm yes Conscience, but too ‘Old Mc Donald’ had a farm of 'would-be' masochistic reptiles that is, to be saving that for wedding march.
Hmm….“Don’t stand so close to me?” Definitely not! Very inappropriate teacher-student insinuation does that conjure.
“All I really wanna do, is baby be friends with you?”. Where is the fun in THAT?!
All hail moment of proverbial epiphany!
Proverbial Epiphany: “She wants me” Belle and Sebastian.Hoop la!
Mood music / Fairy tale Theme….check!
Cuisine is integral to prepare for Fairy Tale, ergo, calling for something sweet.
Hmm Hazelnut Brownies…check.
Bottle of ‘Elixir of Life’, in black, red and oh-so- white…check.
*Mommy calls
Mommy: I heard, your ok with this.
Maria: Did you know that this could be a fairytale?
Mommy: No.
Maria: Silver linings, mother!
Mommy: In that case, please Don’t be you. At least not the ‘you-est you can be!”
SHEESH!
Beauty sleep……checking, checking, checking….check.
Could-be, should be (damn them would-be’s never on my side!)…D-Day
Morning Alarm 1 pm
Snooze... check.
*Knock on door
Door opens to showcase frozen smile ear-to ear, middle aged couple, mid-laughter.
Grand-mommy- turning to she-man in front of Self (who is non- made up in blue) eyes by silently invoking power of grey- Skull.
Self looks at I. Navy blue T-shirt with three count em’ three moth holes in strategically-un-strategic places (whew!), Neon green Shalwar, dilapidated to prime-fine sleeping condition, sleep tousled hair ooh la la and morning breath…Bah.
Grand-mommy: (embarrassed smile) Meh, she just woke up!
De-frosted-smile couple: Hello, beta.
Maria: Why helooooooooo!
Maria: Fairy tale…Why, good byeeeeeeeeeeee!
*Sigh*
Maria: Self?
Self: Yes Maria?
Maria: Meet I.
Self: Hello I.
Maria: May you both live Happily Ever After.
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