Cases of Faces

I am drowning in the rather odd sensation that I am losing all my principles. Everything I ever stood for or atleast everything I hoped I stood for, flowing down the pits.Yet again, full circle back, on another quest to please. Only the parent has changed, its hard when your best friend needs to see you a certain way to 'see' you. Its' rather irksome, this sensation that I have begun taking 'appearances' seriously.
Not that im an extremist who believes in absolutely letting myself 'go to the dogs', but do I want the focus of my person being directed by my mirror and my weighing machine. No I dont! Regardless of what anyone says, I agree with being healthy, I agree with being normal. But beauty has really never topped my list.
I used to pride myself on never seeing faces, or clothes....really never noticing them. They were never important. My face was just my face and my body just my body. Just that, nothing more...a slightly chubby, short and naturally confused frame, like everything else about me. Somehow I never noticed my reflection critically, which is surprising considering I know how many women actually do spend painstaking hours infront of a mirror, trying to find solace in glass projections.
I always thought that aslong as I wore a smile, the flaws would fade, people respond to smiles...cheesy as it sounds.I can't stand being this way, trying to pretend I care in the least about my weight, fashion or faces. I thought in the last few years that my 'GREATEST' accomplishment was being ok with me, atleast the 'overt physicality' of me. Its hard when those closest to you trump on about how THAT is never enough and you try to go along the ride. Its more than hard, its suffocating.
When people told me I was ugly I said 'Ah well too bad, so what? I shall be smart'. Now people tell me 'Im pretty and if I only lost a little weight...' (apparently there are many 'ifs' that sentence can bring about) and I flinch, hoping that they could bother seeing something else, anything else. But it seems they dont.
My worst fear is that perhaps that really is 'all' people can see?
A pretty face.